Gather. Discover. Cultivate.
Halfway up the road to the lake, the ground caved in. It was our first summer running the YMCA summer camp in the mountains of Colorado. The new culvert system our regional Y had installed at a cost of $900K had not even had its first birthday.
Continue reading “Joint Force: Notes on Recovery Efforts”
Brain fog isn’t an official medical diagnosis; rather, it’s a colloquial term for a range of significant, persistent neurocognitive impairments that cause such symptoms as sluggish thinking, difficulty processing information, forgetfulness, and an inability to focus, pay attention, or concentrate. With Long COVID, the exact combination of brain fog symptoms varies from one person to the next.
– Kathy Katella, “Long COVID Brain Fog: What It Is and How to Manage It,” Yale Medicine News
Brainstorm, zero draft, morning pages, freewrite, stream of consciousness.
It has lots of names. I call mine WordSpring.
WordSpring has been my writing process for as long as I’ve been writing. At least 35 years. All I do is set a time or a number of pages and just let them spill out. The words flow free. My only job is to tap the source and, in the immortal words of Natalie Goldberg, “keep the hand moving.”
Occasionally I come to the spring with a theme in mind. Sometimes it’s just an opening and whatever emerges becomes the beginning of a project. More often than I care to admit, it’s all process and no outcome. Just the flow and whatever is called to the surface.
Continue reading “Running Dry: Notes on Writing through Brain Fog”
This last night of 2023 also happens to be my last evening off before returning to work. Three months of medical leave has been the best gift of the year. Because “going out” is no more than a fading memory from a distant land, I’m staying in tonight to answer five questions you haven’t asked yet (but maybe were going to) about Life with the Mystery Sick.
Continue reading “5 Answers to 5 Questions You Didn’t Ask”
Thank you for protecting us. You were so brave. You did exactly what you needed to do to keep that mess from doing its worst. Considering all of the ways we could have been done in, all of the dangers at the door, it’s really a marvel that you knew just what to do. Your arsenal was stocked and you, skilled at using everything in there. You kept us safe. You have our deepest gratitude.
Now that we’re sitting down here together, we have something else to tell you. It’s important. We need you to hear this. Are you ready?
Continue reading “Immune Response”
Why is it not enough to just be a gas station? Why does it also insist on being an entertainment platform, an advertising space, and a point of sale? All I’m asking from the Shell station is a fill-up on my little Prius. But as I stand there, pump in hand, the doors to the convenience store scream with images of Lottery jackpot numbers, cryptocurrency, Marlboros, and every flavor of beverage. Then, as soon as I’ve activated the pump, an upbeat voice starts speaking to me. About what now? The latest fashions on the red carpet? Yes, right at eye level, an entertainment “news”cast video selling more more more. More products, shows, celebrities, a car wash, and an upgrade to premium gas.
Enough already!
Continue reading “Enough Already: Notes on Sensory Overwhelm (part 2)”
Last weekend, I attended afternoon tea. One of my girlfriends made a reservation at a fancy-pants tea shop in Old Town Alexandria for six of us a few months back. I was determined to go despite… well, everything.
For two days leading up to this event, I rested as much as possible. I also cleared the schedule for two days after for recovery. It was going to be taxing but totally worth it. Right?
Continue reading “Too Much: Notes on Sensory Overwhelm (part 1)”
Outside, someone was smoking. The stink leaked in around the closed front windows. It stung my eyes as I sat in my partner’s living room in an easy chair, slogging through a work task. This has been my setup for the better part of the past year: balancing on the tightrope between productivity and rest. Pillows, lap trays, things to hold my feet up. Sunlight. Headphones. Pomodoros.
I tried to ignore the smell but it grew stronger. I glanced out but couldn’t see anyone outside. The place is nestled in a cohousing community with a small group of neighbors. Some may light up the occasional joint, but no cigarette smokers.
So it must be someone delivering a package. Or working on a neighbor’s gutters.
The smell persisted. An hour? More? I kept working and the reek kept lingering. No voices, no sound of hammering. Just birds and crickets, and as far as I know, none of them have taken up smoking.
Continue reading “Smoke Signals: Notes on Phantosmia”
While we still have much to learn about long COVID, a growing body of research paints a worrisome picture, and more needs to be done to help understand, prevent and treat long COVID.
– Sens. Tim Kaine (D-VA), Todd Young (R-IN), and former Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-OK) in The Hill, 8/31/23
Imagine this.
You board that long haul flight woozy from too many hours of debauchery. Your center row seat wedges you between a fussy lap baby and a linebacker whose shoulders take up half your headrest. Plus there is the dude behind you who spends the whole flight playing a first-person shooter game balanced on the tray table at your back.
Continue reading “Calling for a Skycap: Notes on Fatigue”
We saw everyone around us smiling and repeating “I’m fine! I’m fine!” and we found ourselves unable to join them in all the pretending. We had to tell the truth, which was: “Actually, I’m not fine.”
It pulls in all the bad stuff: guilt, despair, shame, anger, disappointment, confusion, worry, exhaustion, and pain of all varieties. The ShopVac of Suffering. It sucks into its belly the cobwebs from the corners and the black mold from the basement and the decades-old crud buried deep in the carpet.
Engine growling, it whips this mix into misery soup.
Maladapation or simply adaptation?
When experiencing cognitive dissonance, a person has two options. Three really, if remaining in a state of crazymaking incongruity counts as an approach. Assuming that easing the dissonance is the goal, however, you can go through one of two doors.
Door A is adjusting your beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, and values to fit the situation.
Door B is changing the situation.
Shannon E. Williams 